Silence
by TheRealQueenB
Summary: Antonio tells Jayden he loves him, but does the red ranger feel the same? Rated T for one bad word


Silence.

Usually, Jayden loved silence. For as long as he can remember, there's always been silence. When he was practicing drawing symbols, training, eating, sleeping… always silence.

And then he met Antonio. The young dark haired boy was always loud, always happy. As long as Antonio was around, there was no silence anymore. Jayden got used to it and enjoyed the change of things. He learned that silence wasn't everything in life.

One of the other things about silence he learned was that a quiet Antonio meant bad things. Always. The first time his best friend had been quiet and not as happy as usual was when his parents got divorced. Jayden was there to cheer him up, to promise him he'd help him become a samurai.

The second time was when Antonio had to move away. Again it was the blond who cheered him up by giving the Octo Zord to him and promising him they'd be friends forever.

Antonio had been quiet when he developed a fear of fish and didn't see a sense in life anymore. Jayden, and the other rangers, were there for him and did their best to cheer him up; even if it meant confronting their own fears.

And now Antonio was quiet too. But this time it wasn't a depressed silence, no, it was hopeful. However, this hopefulness got lesser and lesser the longer the silence stretched on, leaving desperation in its place. This time Jayden could cheer him up again, but he wasn't sure if he could do it…

 _Jayden and Antonio were sitting at the cliff where the Red Ranger defeated Dekker for the first time. The great battle against Master Xandred laid behind them, leaving nothing to do but recover and relax. The others were down at the beach, enjoying their first day without worries. Everything would be fine, Jayden was sure of it._

 _But deep inside he knew he was wrong. Something like a perfect life didn't exist. Now that the evil forces were gone, there were other things going to come up. The first thing on that list was the departure of the other rangers. Of course there was no need for them to stay at the Shiba house now._

 _Kevin would leave the next day for home, to go back to his fiancée. Their parents arranged their marriage when they were just kids, but they loved each other anyways._

 _Mike and Emily, couple for almost 6 months now, would leave in a week, together with Lauren. The oldest Shiba wanted to pay Serena a visit, so Emily invited her to tag along._

 _Mia would go on tour with her brother's band in three days._

" _Mia asked me if I want to join them on their tour." Antonio said out of the blue, looking down to the shore. Jayden blinked, keeping a calm expression on his face._

" _What did you say?" the blond asked, glancing over at his friend. He would never show it – or ask for it – but he didn't want Antonio to leave. They've been best friends since forever, and if he left too, Jayden would be all alone with Master Ji._

" _I said I don't know yet… It's kind of a big chance, you know? And I love singing almost as much as fishing…" A small smile made its way on Jayden's face. Of course he knew._

" _But I can't leave without getting something off of my chest first. It's been bothering me ever since the day I came back here." Jayden frowned and turned his head to look at Antonio, but his friend's gaze was fixated on the horizon. What could've been bothering Antonio for so long? The blond waited for him to continue, but the Golden Ranger seemed to struggle to find the right words._

" _I… I think I'm in love." He finally said, looking at his best friend. Jayden raised an eyebrow, not exactly understanding the problem. If it was Emily he's in love with, yeah, that would be a problem, because she's together with Mike. But there weren't any hints that he liked the Yellow Ranger._

 _Maybe it was Mia. But that wouldn't explain why he didn't agree right away when she asked him to spend the next few months with them. If he was in love with her, he would be happy for every second they spend together. Yet he was here, sitting with Jayden. Maybe that meant…_

" _Look, if you like Lauren, you don't have to get my permission to meet her." Jayden started with a smile. Though he couldn't understand that falling in love was so easy over such a short amount of time. Antonio's lips tightened and he shook his head, seeming nervous._

" _It's not Lauren…" he whispered, confusing Jayden even more. The blond was about to just ask who it was, when he noticed the look Antonio was giving him. And suddenly it was hard to breathe. No, it can't-_

 _Antonio leaned closer, until his lips touched Jayden's. It was just a simple, feather-like touch, but it had a huge impact on the Red Ranger. Heat blazed from his lips over his whole body. His eyes were wide open, not quite able to comprehend it all._

 _Seconds later the kiss broke. "I'm in love with you, Jay…" Antonio whispered softly._

And now he was quiet, waiting for a reaction. But all Jayden could do was stare. He never even thought of the possibility that Antonio could be gay. And in love with him. He wasn't a homophobe, no, he wasn't even as straight as he's supposed to be. And he surely liked the kiss. But…

"Antonio… no." he started, finally finding the words. "… Mentor Ji wouldn't-"

"I don't care what Ji wants. It's not him I love. I want you." Antonio interrupted him.

"I… You're my best friend…"

"And I will always be your best friend… but… can't you understand that I want more?"

"No… what if it doesn't work out? If we break up after a few months? Things will never be the same again… I don't want to take the risk…" Antonio shook his head desperately.

"And what if it works out? If we could be happy together, forever? Do you want to take the risk missing out on that? You'll never know if you don't even try." Jayden averted his gaze, clearly not knowing what to say.

Of course it could work out, just as much as it couldn't. But Jayden wasn't allowed to be selfish. Such a decision wouldn't hit him alone. If he decided to date Antonio, Ji would throw a fit. He didn't know what Lauren would say. One of them would need to produce an heir to continue the Shiba bloodline. He couldn't just leave that duty all alone to his sister. What if she can't get pregnant? Or get into an accident and die? Or was gay herself? What if a new threat would show up? They'd use his love to Antonio against him. And if it won't work out? He'd lose his best friend forever. But if he refused now, he would lose him too.

As if Antonio could read his mind, he spoke up again.

"Jay, don't think about what others might say or think. This is only about you and me. Tell me what _you_ think. Tell me what _you_ want."

What _he_ wanted? He's never been asked what he wanted. His whole life had been planned ahead up until the day they defeated Master Xandred. To say Jayden was overwhelmed by the question was an understatement. What did he want?

Once again he thought about the options and their consequences. In the end, he came to the conclusion that it was better to leave it be. Antonio would move on eventually, especially when he's a famous rock star. And everyone could be happy. Except for Jayden. But the blond was used to making sacrifices, and he'd rather have everyone happy but him, than the other way around.

He put a hand on Antonio's shoulder, biting his lip.

"Antonio… I want you to go on tour with Mia. Become famous, have fun, and find a guy who can give you what you need." The dark haired man shook his head and pushed the hand off his shoulder.

"Seriously? That is so typical Red Ranger like. Who says you can't be the one to make me happy?" Jayden averted his gaze, taking a deep breath.

"I do. I just _can't_ give you what you deserve."

"Jayden… you've never been in a relationship before. I'm sure if we love each other we-" Jayden's head snapped up as he glared at Antonio. It was going to hurt both of them equally, but it had to be done. It was the better solution.

"I don't love you like that, Antonio. You're a friend, and nothing more. And there will _never_ be more between us!"

There was the dreaded silence again. It only lasted for a few seconds, as Antonio looked at him, gaze filled with shock and disappointment. Sure, the last sentence was louder than intended and probably sounded harsher than it was supposed to, but that was only because it hurt Jayden just saying it.

Brown eyes stared into the blond's blue ones, searching for something he was not going to find.

"Fine." That was the only thing Antonio said as he got up and left the cliff. Only then Jayden allowed the sadness to mar his face. Small tears made their way down his cheeks as he watched the sunset. Only because it was the wiser solution, it didn't mean it didn't hurt like a bitch.

The next three days the silence between them was almost unbearable. Jayden had known it would come to this, but to actually feel the coldness of the silence between them hurt more than he expected. Of course he understood Antonio needed time to get over the rejection. Maybe he'd be over it quickly. Or it could take weeks for him to heal.

On the third day, the tour bus of Mia's brother's band was waiting in front of the Shiba house. Everyone helped Mia and Antonio to get their stuff inside, and soon they were ready to go. Jayden didn't show any emotion, just like the past days.

The Pink and the Gold Ranger were saying their goodbyes. And then Antonio's dark eyes stared into Jayden's blue ones. For a moment the blond thought he wouldn't even get a proper goodbye from his friend, but as he was pulled in a hug, those worries vanished. Jayden returned the hug and felt Antonio sigh against his shoulder.

"I'll always be your best friend, Jay." He whispered before letting go of the blond and smiling at him. Jayden smiled too, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. He and the rangers left waved as the tour bus drove away.

Soon the others would leave too, leave him alone to go back to silence. A silence that felt even worse now that he knew what he was missing out on.


End file.
